she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
