he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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