who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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