Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
