i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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