i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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