We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
