You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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