they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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