fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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