So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So vagazzling was a success
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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