dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
