He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My breasts were aching with rage.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
