Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
