you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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