clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
