I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
third nipple confirmed
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
