i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize