you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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