i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
