remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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