remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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