I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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