No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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