I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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