He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize