I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
