dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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