she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
