Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Randomize
