maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize