that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
