I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
