Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
