I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
