I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize