That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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