He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
