we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You're like the curious george of whores
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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