the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
