I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
