Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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