Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
