im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize