Kiss
Puke
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
