I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
