yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
