i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
