I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize