So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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