dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We need to get me chipped asap
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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