trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
