he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
