Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
