Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
