this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
