I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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