why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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