Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
where am i from again
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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