I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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