I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize