So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
