Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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