So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Randomize