No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
