Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
