I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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