so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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