Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
