Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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