ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
