i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
