You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
