It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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