In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize