I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
