a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize