why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
