do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
