even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
