I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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