I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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