we're blogging at a bar
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
