Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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