I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize