I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
