When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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