you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
His hands were made for my vagina.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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