Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you win again, gameday.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
