i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You were trust falling into bushes
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
