Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
