So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
