A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize