Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
