I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
