i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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