I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
