k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
