Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
