You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
