i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize