just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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